Women, Wives and Bitches

Well-Being at Chapters

We are women. We are Wives. We are girlfriends and we are, apparently, Bitches. This was the impression I was left with after ambling along the various sections of a local Chapters book store over the weekend. It’s a little habit I have; buy a Starbucks ‘Somethin-accino’ and casually walk up and down each aisle of books as I slurp my beverage. Sometimes I actually come across something that interests me and other times not so much but on this particular visit I paid more attention to the ‘Well-Being’ section and I was blown away by all the seemingly man-hating books out there!

Well-Being at ChaptersWe all know us women are way more emotional than men but I was still really surprised by the amount of books that seemed to belittle men in all shapes and forms. The titles also amazed me: “Toxic Men”, “WTF Are Men Thinking” and, a personal favourite, “Why Men Love/Marry Bitches”. Almost every single book I saw was written by a woman and it got me searching for the male equivalent of “Why Women Marry Assholes” but I couldn’t find any. If you look for something emotionally male related you will find title such as “The Way of the Superior Man”, “How to Hold Your Nuts” and “The Complete Gentleman; a Modern Man’s Guide to Chivalry”.  I was left with this impression – emotionally charged women want to absolutely destroy man whereas emotionally charged men want to better themselves to be better for women. Marriage Book?

Maybe this particular Chapters had a higher ratio of divorced, unlucky women who needed these books to help them through their dealings with particularly sleazy men but it was still an eye opener for me! Most of the books are really a comedic guideline of how a woman could act but I’ve seen an all-female book club go nuts over a particular book which I’m sure was written for a laugh but was taken very seriously. The title of this book escapes me as this scenario happened years ago while I was working as a server, but it was something along the lines of ‘why is your husband crap” and I do remember the wives going to town on how crappy their husbands were in general and how they weren’t behaving in a way these wives thought they should. It was the usual; anniversaries either forgotten or not given the attention they thought was deserved, birthdays not up to scratch, laundry dumped everywhere except the basket and so on and so forth.Usual behaviour from a man who probably worked his ass off to afford the ‘Ladies Lunches’ his wife had every week. Toxic Men, really?!

Is there really an invisible bar that men absolutely have to meet or were these women just being cold hearted bitches? I’d go with the letter assumption but that’s just my opinion! Not every woman feels like that and I’m sure there are men who feel their wives are crap but at which point did the receptors get switched off and automatic assumption switched on? And what is the bar set for women? 60 years ago women became housewives, the men went to work and were ruler of their homes whereas now we are semi-equal in responsibility yet apparently we are still stuck with the assumption of how a married couple should be.  We need to be ‘bitches’ to earn respect yet loving and compassionate to gain marriage prospects. Men feel threatened by powerful strong women yet don’t want a mousey housewife who won’t perform anything other than missionary. It’s all terribly complicated!

A sex spreadsheet? Hahaha!

That was my first thought when I happened upon an article on Buzzfeed about a Reddit user who had posted a photo of a spreadsheet she had received from her husband, did you read about this? Well, for those who didn’t catch this glorious nugget of entertainment I will explain.

The wife was about to go away on a 10 days business trip but before she left her husband emailed her a sex spreadsheet:  A three column, dated spreadsheet which had cataloged their apparently dry sex life. It stated the date throughout a six week period, whether sex had been granted or not and if not, the reason behind it. Only 3 days out of the 28 recorded days had ‘Yes’ marked in the ‘Sex’ column. The ‘Excuse’ column contained things like, ‘I’ve been to the gym and I feel sweaty’, ‘I’m watching my show and don’t want to miss anything’, or my personal favourite, ‘(non verbal)’.

This post has been viewed over 1.5 million times! The world now knows about this and the reactions are both fabulous and ridiculous. Theories are now flying through the interweebs as strangers battle over this tasty tidbit of human silliness. Everything from being married to an Asexual partner to serious mental issues are being thrown into this ever growing ring. Both teams have supporters, each calling the other immature, selfish or just plain stupid. Personally I think it’s equal on both sides; who in their right mind makes a spreadsheet to catalog this sort of thing?! And who would post it on the internet to shame the poor sap for doing something so silly? You begin to wonder how it all came about (or not, pardon the pun.) Did the husband, now affectionately named Spreadsheet Guy, just walk up to his wife and say in a rough, monotone way, “Sex! Now!”  Was there any romance, a gentle wooing of the wife to arouse her, even if she didn’t feel like it? Judging by the spreadsheet, me thinks definitely not! But then to feel so outraged and hurt that you think, “I’m posting this on a heavily used website and make people see what an ass my husband is, how dare he!”

Two things are very clear now: 1) The husband will never get sex from his wife ever again and 2) Can you say ‘Divorce’?!

Sex plays a HUGE role in a marriage whether people want to admit it or not. It connects a couple emotionally as well as physically and without that connection people can feel neglected and distant which apparently happened in this case. I’m sure there were women who read the article and cursed Reddit Wife for being so lucky to have sex readily available. But I have to wonder about what their life was like before they married; was the sex amazing and adventurous so it is now missed or was it OK to the point Spreadsheet Guy thought, ‘I’m sure she’ll get better with age.’ Maybe Reddit Wife thought, ‘He wants sex a lot, I’m sure he’ll calm down with age.’ Who knows, we can only speculate. Either way it looks like good old communication seemed to once again have been left out of the equation.